I’m furious right now. I am so freaking mad I just want to violently flip the bird to everything and everyone with my jaw thrust forward, teeth clenched and my tongue pressed fiercely to my lower palate as though poised to spit venom on anyone who would dare come into the path of my wrath. What makes me madder, though, is that instead of punching, kicking, screaming or otherwise demonstrating the depths of my rage through some kind of physical brutishness, I feel compelled to cry.
I am so fucking sick of angry tears. Girls all over the world be rage-crying, and it is the most infuriating thing ever. I am angry because I have been made to feel insignificant, inferior and lesser-than compared to my male counterparts. I am irate that I have experienced sexism, though executed with complete subtlety, endorsed by people I have to answer to on a daily basis. I am poisonous with the indignation that my ideas, opinions and knowledge are considered insignificant enough to be talked over and brushed aside with the dismissive gesture of a father annoyed with a child’s presence. I do NOT want to cry about it. I want to punch about it. I want to punch faces. I want to punch crotches. I want to punch walls. I want to punch everything. I do not want to cry.
Why can’t my body understand that? Why is it that as soon as the shaking, white-hot tremor of rage passes through my body it clenches my jaw, sets my fists and stings at my eyes? Why do I feel the sudden rush of saliva that tells me that saltwater will soon pool in my lower lids, threatening to spill over and reduce me to nothing more than the well-worn image of a hysterical woman, unable to control her emotions, incapable of responding rationally to the situation at hand? THIS IS THE WORST.
Ladies, I know you’re feeling me. Our brains have the hot spits of fury, and our eyes are slopping out tears. There is no way to cover it up; the frenzied blinking below a harshly drawn brow and fevered chewing of the inside of our cheeks and lower lip are a dead give away that we are mere seconds away from a full-blown rage-cry.
We need to get our top scientists working on a cure. Stat. No longer should women be forced to suffer the humiliation of our bodies responding so meekly to the strength and ire in our heads and hearts.
The whole thing makes me so angry I could cry…